in-out-box

think beyond is just too overrated for me

the box itself is filled with the darkness

no light supplied

romantic silent

watching at the crystal white ball
opposite to the yellow spheroid
while the sun is still bright
and the sky is still in blue
slowly i drove my little wagon
looking at the lonely highway
observing every conveyance
that passing through me one by one
glancing at the signboard
heading me to an unknown places
where the exist are only fictitious
the beauty of artificial illusory
people were praising them
deceptive fascination that they long
hoping the untruth becoming true
and there goes the time
it is ticking slowly without waiting
light turns into darkness
the white crystal dazzling its' beauty
and the great yellowish spheroid is now gone
hiding somewhere behind the enigmatic
leaving the lonely crystal with lonely people sticking along
looking into each other's eyes
enjoying the night spend together
adoring the beautifulness of every solitude
telling the story with the muteness of voices
imagining the happiness of sharing the same sight
hoping to share the same illusion and the romantic silent

R&R

"i never experience tired-ness"
"everything is full with satisfaction"

and that was before
i am now tired
so i had enough

"continue living with your past"
a direct headshot killed my night

the time and me

At times,

I am too lazy to talk.
Too lazy to write, too lazy to even stand on my own feet.

Because my brain is filled with so many thought.

My emotion is having so many burden.

My life is facing so many difficulties.

At times,

I am becoming an ignorant,

and ignoring things that had happened around the world,

regardless of how important those things might be,

and how it can affect my life later.

At times,

how I prefer I am not me.

Though how much I appreciate myself of being me,

and how I know people appreciate my existance by being with them.

At times,

I am having my nerves cut by myself,

due to some depression and stupid action,

but thank God it is all happened in my delusion,

and will never become an action.

At times,

I am too eager to be alone,

to listen to the silent,

to feel the non-existance.

but I am so afraid of loneliness.

And this is the only reason why I choose to stay 346.1km from home.

And how I wish I will be far away someday,

seperated by few seas and continents,
and will never come back.

At times,

I know they are in love with me,

they are hating me,

they are putting some grudge upon me,

they care for me, they dont want me,

they listen to me, they want me,

they need me.

but.....

but, I never reveal any about me. 

Unless, they smart enough to dig it from me,

And I never dig.

Because I know, 

having people digging upon us, 

is the hardest depression I ever felt.

I will tell whenever I feel like to tell.

I will approach whenever time ask me to approach. 

and it's all happened at times. 

and all we have to do is to practice to be patient. 

 keeping a good attitude while waiting the time arise. 

I am mending myself,

now and then.

and I need time and I know everyone does. 

Mending, a word that reminds me of him, the death undeath person

the lost of fragrance

the time has passed

the endurance never ends

the arms are holding

the flesh is cold

the tears never let go

the anticipation never comes

the happiness never really approach

the life getting discouraging

the barrier is getting thicker

the worry becomes weighty

the hope is nothing

the future is ruining

the wish is putting a fullstop

the desire will makes me fly

the dream of saying goodbye

the treasure i left behind

sickness

the more you getting old
the more you wanted to be with your family
the more you appreciate the time spend together
the more you love being with each other
remembering the awful immature me
abandoning their love for some stupid reasons
that only half-grown could do
"fair"
"unbiased"
that's what I did
and that's what I hold into
"I don't have you in my family"
that's what I received
and that's what I call a punishment
fortunately, I'm having them back now
and every second of time
my heart is telling me that I miss them


I miss home

Sorrowful Eid Mubarak

some people might say,
I dont want to be so typical
like some other else.
Saying sorry and stuff.
I might as well sick of doing so.
But, there's nothing wrong being fit with the community
though we dont feel like it.
Afterall,
God asked us to smile
and keep a good relationship with people
especially today.
Salam Aidilfitri to all.



Dear God,
please make me forget all those bad things people did to me.
I'm sick of holding grudge
Dear people,
I'm asking for forgiveness
For any wrong doings that I've done
Dear myself,
I'm sorry for feeding you with ego,laziness & sorrowfulness

Dear God,
why is it so gloomy today?
I cried as I miss people so much